In Relation To Loving
Over the past months its been taking up a lot of my thinking time. And I have had different experiences but I have always been unsure if I should put them out there online, for many reasons. Mainly because it might be taken out of context and used in a way that might harm those close to me.
Having had one experience where that I happened I have made sure that within reason I prevent the possibility of anything like that happening again.
I have made a resolve though to speak about my thoughts and ideas in this area because it would help you out there taking the time to read this blog, so understanding. I will no say that anything I discuss here is a truth, however I will state that idea I present at very much based on some very deep thinking of myself and others. And also much pain on my part so that I am able to experience certain things.
This will be an on going topic now in my blog, so let's get to it.
D'Journey continues
Well first of all let me say that society and the media gives a lot of shape to the ideas we have about relationships.
In many cases the only real long-term relationship that we know about is that of your parents or guardians. Absent or present we notice those things that are happening. A marriage or a divorce is as much of an event as a "no show". So our interaction with them changes/influences or thinking.
Now, since thise is only limited in scope because it the relationships between just a few persons, the next place we get a lot of influence from is the media, why?
Well love songs, news, movies, almost everything wants to tell us a love story, our interaction with it changes us.
As we grow older our friends and those who lean on us, in the rough patchs also influences the way we think.
The best part is that we can choose how to think.
Well what is my 2 big discoveries so far in life?
Well here u go....
1. There is always someone that you are emotional attached to.
Ok let me put it in perspective. If I had to invite you to dinner tommorrow, and tell you bring a date. There is someone there somewhere whether u want to admit it or not, that you would like to take out. The obvious on is the wife, girlfriend, boyfriend, husband ... Etc etc. But.....
Sometimes it might be really impossible, like a celebrity or more realisitically someone u really like and they really like you, but circumstances prevent you from being together, or even there is something preventing you or that person from making a committment to each other.
Think about it, in movies the villian always finds that person that their target is attached to.
I spent a lot of time in entertainment, and I can tell you that as promiscious as the celebs and 'real life" players are, there is one person who takes the cake.
I will also tell you, I have not met a single guy who is a "player" who did not have a really bad experience, the first gf etc. It's pretty amasing but that's it. I am sure the psychogists can find other instances, but I can say that of the ones I have ever known well enough to talk to them or overhear them talking about their philosophy, its always been bad relationship.
Hmmm women now, for them love at home was the defining different between promicious or not. And again, it is many, many experiences.
Please, please no one take this personally but its no one experience realise that this is all my life, I mean alll!
Well this took me to my next philosophy.
Love is one thing, relationships is totally different.
Love and relationships need to be defined
As separate things. Ideally you want to have love in a relationship , well if you want to be happy...
But they are a lot of other things that make a relationship.
I remember reading an article on the top 10 things that u should not married. This article was written by a rabbi, he was speaking to the qualites that he had found to cause divorce in his years and years of experience. And the hundreds of couples he has seen.
So time afterwards when I began accept the words of this man, it gave birth to the need for this separation. There is love, and then there is relationships.
It helps understanding when there is love but there can be no relationship. And also understanding someone else's actions when in relationships. I'll expand of this in another post at a later date, but I am sure that this concept for many of you will put many things in perspective.
But there is one quality that really stood out that I would want to mention. The Rabbi said Don't marry potential, don't marry someone for the good u can see them having one day. Marry them for what they are doing today. Because if you don't, as worth as your intentions are, to take care of them, protect them from themselves, whatever the case maybe, you are really marrying the person they can be and not the person they actually are.
I would say or my personal addition to that for when the time comes, is to marry someone that can go on D'Journey
With you.
There is another one that came from a recent realisation, thanks to Napolean Hill
Fear of lost love - its that simple, it makes a lot of us desperate, in fact it made me desperate in my past.
Some symptons of it are things like
Jealousy, insomnia, nervousness, lack of perisistence, weakness of will, lack of self-control and bad temper
This one, I am still learning maybe you can get it before me!!!!!
Well, hope that its been a little more than just reading for you! Have fun with life!
Corey Graham
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